The Room…

I got off the elevator and I just looked at this room, this pkace and I was just thinking how much this room has seen so much in the silence of the room and the late night shadows that haunt this very room and I began to question why do I feel comfortable taking a photo of the stillness of this room, and while I feel comfortable in this room while some many just walk past this room and just go into another where people find comfort in a room that they nothing about its past residents who found intimacy or found tragedy or it make trigger memeories of Personal Memory, emotional residue, unspoken compromise, quiet loneliness or even the feeling of just lying next to something rather then someone…

And somewhere in that stillness, I realized the room wasn’t the subject anymore—it was a reflection of these questions

When did stillness start feeling like enough?

If you can’t see me…

Daily writing prompt

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

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If you can’t see me, I would tell you I have Golden Retriever energy, especially now in the summer. I enjoy being outside and hanging out with people. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy being at home with my girlfriend and our two cats, but I also love being out and about. I especially love bringing strangers together. Hear me out on this because it’s happened on several occasions, and there’s something magical about seeing people who know nothing about each other come together, chat, and enjoy a drink.

For example, a few months ago, I was at a work seminar in a different city, and I didn’t know anyone there. However, I knew some people who lived in the city. So, I naturally started chatting with people at the seminar and made a few friends. Then I had an idea: why not introduce my new friends to my old ones? The worst they could say was no, but they said yes! It was amazing to watch these complete strangers laugh and share stories as if they were old friends.

Here’s another example: I was out for drinks with coworkers when I noticed two people exchanging a knowing glance. I realized they knew each other from somewhere. We ended up chatting, and now we meet for drinks every Thursday and coffee during the week.

Moral of the story: I’m an extrovert with Golden Retriever energy.

ohh Friends…

Daily writing prompt

What quality do you value most in a friend?

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“Friendship is the real gift, it is given with no expectation, no gratitude is necessary”. ~Feeny

If you know where this is from, and you didn’t have to Google it, then virtual high five! (or fist bump, handshake – whatever you prefer, I’m not picky). In this day and age, the value of a friend can be measured in a few ways for me: loyalty, honesty, shared interests, and even the occasional disagreement. After all, no two people are exactly alike, and we all have our own opinions. That said, everything I mentioned applies to what I value in a friend, but what truly matters most is when a friend shows up for you in times of need, not just when things are good.

The Jobs I have done…

Daily writing prompt

What jobs have you had?

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At 31 years old, I’ve held a variety of jobs. While I prefer stability and avoid frequent job changes, there have been exceptions. For example, when I lived in Miami, I briefly worked at Wingstop. The manager there refused to pay for training, which ultimately turned out to be a good thing for me. However, I enjoyed the year and a half I spent at Outback Steakhouse as a busser and host. I made a great work family there, but then an opportunity arose in London. I worked as an administrator (with some additional responsibilities) at a security shop for six years. Now, living in Germany, I deliver food by bike.

2018 Goodnight and Goodluck…

and so another year has come to an end, it has brought a few storms along the way, but with it came a new start. at time it reminded us of the choices we had to make in order to find peace within ourselves and open our eyes to the people who wear mask for so long that they forget that its a product of there own self destructive past, if only we could have seen then the damage it would have caused ourselves, cause we think it often does happen that the best intentions we had was a paved road to hell….( boy that escalated quickly)…. but what 

 if in this moment of self  destruction, I did say a few storms came this way that you also found yourself in the storm and rather then getting lost in it you found yourself  in the storm, even in moments of doubt when you thought the storm was gonna take over, but in the end you stood your ground and pulled through. But I do hope for those still going through the storm of your life,  I hope you do realise that you are far more stronger then you ever have been and within you the storm was will pass and you will pull through into the new year without any thing you pulling back into the storm. Its easy to feel broken and just let the storm sweep you off your feet and send you back to the dark abyss you once knew, but its time stand your ground and start believing  in yourself and that mask that you wore for so long  you will be able to take it off and send back to the  place where it was once created…. 

with that being said…

I only wish and hope you this coming  year is this that you finally feel alive after all this is your come back year, I hope you don’t beat around the bush and not shelter the truth, I hope you become more straightforward about your feelings rather then going in circles and in the end get no where and just end up in the  same place you were before, come on kid.  its time to stop beating your chest and get out of your comfort zone and let life happen, I know its hard but looks what good its done for you. This year you will discover that opportunities will come and just remember this is your moment make it a time to remember. I hope you say  yes to adventure and again yes it may be scary, but life is happening, and I want you to hear your own war cry, you hear that cry that is your inner yourself telling you can do this and for the first time in your life being spontaneous, don’t worry about the “what ifs” you have stopped yourself long enough worrying about what happens next. stop holding yourself back and silence the little voices on your shoulder that is warning you to play it safe and the end of it all you will become something new. and I hope you transform yourself into a new person that you are in love with and ask yourself where have you been hiding all this time, and you realise this has always been apart of you just needed to open yourself and ditch your insecurities, and your baggage.A  new you will be will be  born and the old you is in the past now time to focus on the present and make a new future, from this past year learn from it and grow with it and heal from it, my dear you have suffered enough time to let go of the pain of the past cause you are not fooling anyone  .and like I said before you are reborn now and nothing will stop you. 

The American in London – so here we are

So here we are again, to those that are new welcome, to those that are familiar with this well you know what you are in for. And i see some familar guest in the crowds tonight hello grammar nazi ready for another round? Yes good. Well then shall we…

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but what if I told you this could all change…and that there is…. hope for this feeling to finally leave and you can sleep at night and enter the the world of dreams where you can get lost. I know what you are thinking he talking crap and he is bringing false hope. Wait Bob, before you walk out that door, here listen to this.
I am sorry that we live in a generation where people live off their phones, and have an addiction to likes and how people perceive others by what they wear and what they believe in and physical attraction. I am sorry this is what it has came to. But what if you were not the problem, because from where I stand, people come and go and the way people treat you shouldn’t stop you from putting youself out there cause of some animal. And you know what you are not alone cause you have the friends and family around that is more then enough. I know you want to pour your out that one person and that person is out there who is looking for the same. Just dont put yourself in the corner of the boxing ring, cause of the past punches. You get right back up and train again and fight back the past or you let it win and it will define you. Take that 20 seconds of courage and punch fear in its place and you will see that in that ring you will be victorious. I know you are scared like everyone else, but remember 20 seconds be the change and you will see it. I know bob you are thinking shut up and yes saying is easier then doing, but if you are here now reading this and just thought of I can rise to the occasion, well kid. You took the 20 seconds.

The American in London – Hospital of Souls

Good morning, or good evening, or good afternoon or whatever time it may be where you are in the world. Welcome. to those that may have stumbled on here and yes I am talking abut you grammar nazi as well, I hope you like what you read and hope you find a part of you here, Cause I know some of your souls are lost and trying to find something out there or may have lost something out there in the world that you thought may never come back…but then it happens…

The men and women who are reading this and I am talking about you Tim, yea i have seen your deep side… but thats the not the point tonight cause those reading this tonight with a restless soul and an aching heart I just want to let you know this if you have’t figured this out already sometimes you have to break down in order to break through, I know your soul is hurting and its howling very loud cause those who who are by your side right now can hear it, but let that one person who silence the howls who is there for you at this dark hour silence the howls if possible cause its time to time to hear and see again.  Cause I know your soul wasn’t always this way, your soul wasn’t always trapped in place where it didn’t let anyone in, even though there was hope on the other side of the door a second chance…I understand very well, but your soul still deserving of something real and something true, its time to check out of the hospital of souls and believe me when I say its time to come up from the dark abyss and you’ll make peace with your demons and the storm in your heart will end. and just maybe life will smile right back at you and say you are ready…

The American In London – Part 10

And so another year has come to an end, another year of life as it were has come to an end and yes i am talking to you my dear friend, who is reading this on your phone or tablet on your bed or coffee shop or toilet ( and if you are please wash your hands don’t scroll anymore until you do so). Any who shall we continue for one last read for this year.

If i don’t say so myself this year has its ups and down like roller coaster at a theme park on a hot summers day,  but it has taught me along the way some lessons as well.  but we will get into that later or along the way, but for now lets start with whats to come and my hope for you the reader who is reading or the empty space of internet that is on at the moment wherever you are.  Tomorrow, a new year will start, which means new opportunities will arise and they will test your faith, remember what I told you before, if  you rememeber at all every choice you make, changes your future. so think before you do, but remember whatever you choice you make your family and friends will be there to support you along the way, you are never alone. Tomorrow a new you will be will be born and the old you is in the past now time to focus on the present and make a new future, from this past year learn from it and grow with it and heal from it, my dear you have suffered enough time to let go of the pain and like I said before you are reborn now and nothing will stop you. Make this year your year,  think of this new year as a second chance you’ve been wanting to take that leap of faith and let this year find the answers you have been looking for, cause  I know just around the corner you will find it this year let it consume you and let it guide you. remember you are never lost in the darkness, there is light at the end of the tunnel. and believe me my dear let this year give you hope you need to move forward and let go the past, find your answers but then move forward. tomorrow it begins the new chapter in your life and make this year your year because its time for it.  but also this year my friend I hope you find balance in your life, work hard but don’t let your work consume your life, I mean don’t make this life all just about work and you forget to live. I hope this year you find love as well,  but love for all the right reasons and not for the wrong, believe me I know you know better and also life to short for anything be low you. I want this year for you to remember who you are and know that its never to late to go after your dreams, remember its never to late to start creating that life you always dreamed of. This year I hope you always stay true to you and never for second compare yourself to another person, no to souls are the same. You are you and you perfect just the way you are and you are unique and I wouldn’t want you any other way. This year I want you to put  your faith in the universe and trust that everything happens for a reason, and always know something is greater out there for you is coming trust me I know….

and one last food for thought my friends and readers around the world who has been with me from the beginning, please get off your phone or tablet get out of your pjs and appreciate life, this moment. stop looking out your window and saying I wish go out there and do it and say why not to life. and believe me next year this time, nothing will be the same….

The American In London Part 9 -You

Good Morning or Good evening depending on where in the world you are reading this and from where you may reading whether it may be in your bed or at home on your desk or even in the coffee shop down the road closes to your nearest hardware shop, or even at the park. but regardless no matter where you are this entry this one is for you ladies and guys as well. I know i am not the first one to talk about this topic but I know I wont be the last to talk about it.

I would like to touch upon self-esteem, because i feel as photographer I see it more and more common today, and I know many of you out there are not comfortable in your skin. Your probably maybe thinking, here we go again i heard this all before and probably thinking what does he know. well what if told you that the true beauty of a women is not the shape of your bodies and what you carry, because in this day an age and at least in my opinion that doesn’t matter, the clothes you wear its just material at the end of the day or the way one does there hair there morning and thinks it must be perfect before you leave it, honey let me tell you not that important to be honest, I mean you know what at the end of the day hair is just dead skin cells and keratin. and those who know me. I can guarantee you have seen me with my hair looking like a birds nest. The true beauty of any women is reflected in her soul, the passion one shows and the beauty does stand out. I know, what you are thinking i have heard this all before and one can say, but what about the rule of attraction, between you and me I honestly don’t care what she looks like and if you are one that listens to other people opinions please do me a favour and shut them up off those voices. because at the end of the day who told you that that your cracks or your weight was your flaw? and someone did again tell that person to shut up because they are not perfect either no one is. and Mostly you need to realise that you were hand selected, all beauty and flaw for a reason and not to be replicated be because you are perfect just the way you are. Even as I guy I at one point was going through the the same thing as you, but then i just stoped caring, I didn’t want to become another copy of another, or had to be a certain way just because society said so.
So why not step out of your comfort zone and feel the fresh air, I know what you are thinking its easier said then done, true but you have to start somewhere if you have this wall in front of you bring it down, little by little piece by piece. You can do it and don’t listen to others honesty don’t listen to them. just listen to your self, you got this and inner beauty never looked better on you at the end of the day thats who matters not your boyfriend, or your future husband or vice versa…. Your beautiful whoever you are don’t let anyone tell you other wise.

The American in London – PART 8 – Human

 

There and back again they, say eventually we all must come back to where we all started.  I don’t know where this heading but at least I know with this, I know where I can start and to this goes out the homeless guy that I met that  tonight named Luke who’s Birthday was on the (16/07/17) who just turned nineteen (bare with me on this on one), I know I honestly told him in this person but happy Birthday to him and I hope he gets back on his feet and is able to get back on his feet and get back to his teaching apprenticeship he openly admitted to me he did wrong, but to be honest its not his fault did help that his mom was heroin addict. He did tell me, this though that he wishes there was more people like me who can reach out to him and treat him like human like i did, rather then ignore which at first I just gave me him some change, not enough for what he need, but it was something, because I figured it was going to head to drugs and such…but something happen that I didn’t expect, he walked over to structure (*I guess its best way to describe it) he then just crouched down, covered his face and was crying, how do I know this because I watched him and I went over to him. Actually sat down right in front of him and he wanted to give up right there and then, he telling me about being bullied and all. (* Doesn’t that sound familar) and we had little conversation about hope and everything else. I know what you are gonna say next and go ahead call me stupid, call me a fool, call me all that you want, we got up and I gave a bit more money then loose change and I looked him straight in the eye when I did this and when I did that you can almost see what he was going through, you can tell a lot about someone through eyes, because I saw the pain and  suffering. Then from that moment, I asked him to sit down with him on seats, he doesn’t deserve to be alone on his birthday, when we  sat down was when he told me that was the first time he was treated like a human and how wise I am ( yea thats not true honestly) but any ways he wanted to give some book that was about self help and wellness, but I told him to keep hold of it and he said why because books and no matter what types of books will bring you home. as i flipped through the book I noticed that it was signed from the author and told him that you have something special here, he looked at and he started to cry again…after that he said he was gonna head to place to sleep and I told him Happy Birthday and he said thank you again and goodnight… when he left I had a thought to myself I hope that he finds peace and any demons that is lurking around in his head he finds peace and he becomes the teacher he wants to be in life…

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Anyways… I think i hit some heart strings out there… let me see if i can lighten up the mood a bit because I think we all need it, but I don’t think that is going to happen because its me and because also I owe you guys a continuation from the last post so bare with me on this one…breath in………….okay now breath out… good, excellent and lets continue shall we…

but for some reason which cant be explained only that its always the kindest of people that get in the nicest way of putting it well fucked over the hardest. the ones that always look out for others get ignored, and taken for granted the most and the worst part that deep inside you might feel that you are your living life the wrong way, because you actually care for another you are actually human, but let me tell you this its not about you doing things wrong and never think that, its just well most people don’t see eye to eye with you and most people haven’t walked in your shoes to know what you have been through and haven’t been through enough, so they don’t understand why you do what you do and then they just leave you just like that but let me tell you this kid,  you shouldn’t go look for answers in the people that left you, you won’t find the answer you are looking for, no guides, no fulfilment of any kind. your not going to find a map to paradise in the people that you left you, the only thing that you will find will be confusion and tons of questions that you won’t be able to answer and you won’t be able to handle it all and I know people change, but fate tends to do that. So its not your fault and it never will be. Learn to accept the fact people leave and things go the way they need to go not the way you want them to and just try and move on but remember do it for yourself and no one else, do it for you to and heal after all that you have been through and you are worth saving and you deserve so much more and that better things are on the horizon. and the right people will find you and they know where you are and when you get lost they will be there to guide you home ever now and then we need a hand to hold on to take us home. So I wouldn’t worry to much about being alone because right now you are where you have to be, no matter what you feel and want because life is simply preparing you for something better.