The American in London – PART 8 – Human 

 

There and back again they, say eventually we all must come back to where we all started.  I don’t know where this heading but at least I know with this, I know where I can start and to this goes out the homeless guy that I met that  tonight named Luke who’s Birthday was on the (16/07/17) who just turned nineteen (bare with me on this on one), I know I honestly told him in this person but happy Birthday to him and I hope he gets back on his feet and is able to get back on his feet and get back to his teaching apprenticeship he openly admitted to me he did wrong, but to be honest its not his fault did help that his mom was heroin addict. He did tell me, this though that he wishes there was more people like me who can reach out to him and treat him like human like i did, rather then ignore which at first I just gave me him some change, not enough for what he need, but it was something, because I figured it was going to head to drugs and such…but something happen that I didn’t expect, he walked over to structure (*I guess its best way to describe it) he then just crouched down, covered his face and was crying, how do I know this because I watched him and I went over to him. Actually sat down right in front of him and he wanted to give up right there and then, he telling me about being bullied and all. (* Doesn’t that sound familar) and we had little conversation about hope and everything else. I know what you are gonna say next and go ahead call me stupid, call me a fool, call me all that you want, we got up and I gave a bit more money then loose change and I looked him straight in the eye when I did this and when I did that you can almost see what he was going through, you can tell a lot about someone through eyes, because I saw the pain and  suffering. Then from that moment, I asked him to sit down with him on seats, he doesn’t deserve to be alone on his birthday, when we  sat down was when he told me that was the first time he was treated like a human and how wise I am ( yea thats not true honestly) but any ways he wanted to give some book that was about self help and wellness, but I told him to keep hold of it and he said why because books and no matter what types of books will bring you home. as i flipped through the book I noticed that it was signed from the author and told him that you have something special here, he looked at and he started to cry again…after that he said he was gonna head to place to sleep and I told him Happy Birthday and he said thank you again and goodnight… when he left I had a thought to myself I hope that he finds peace and any demons that is lurking around in his head he finds peace and he becomes the teacher he wants to be in life…

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Anyways… I think i hit some heart strings out there… let me see if i can lighten up the mood a bit because I think we all need it, but I don’t think that is going to happen because its me and because also I owe you guys a continuation from the last post so bare with me on this one…breath in………….okay now breath out… good, excellent and lets continue shall we…

but for some reason which cant be explained only that its always the kindest of people that get in the nicest way of putting it well fucked over the hardest. the ones that always look out for others get ignored, and taken for granted the most and the worst part that deep inside you might feel that you are your living life the wrong way, because you actually care for another you are actually human, but let me tell you this its not about you doing things wrong and never think that, its just well most people don’t see eye to eye with you and most people haven’t walked in your shoes to know what you have been through and haven’t been through enough, so they don’t understand why you do what you do and then they just leave you just like that but let me tell you this kid,  you shouldn’t go look for answers in the people that left you, you won’t find the answer you are looking for, no guides, no fulfilment of any kind. your not going to find a map to paradise in the people that you left you, the only thing that you will find will be confusion and tons of questions that you won’t be able to answer and you won’t be able to handle it all and I know people change, but fate tends to do that. So its not your fault and it never will be. Learn to accept the fact people leave and things go the way they need to go not the way you want them to and just try and move on but remember do it for yourself and no one else, do it for you to and heal after all that you have been through and you are worth saving and you deserve so much more and that better things are on the horizon. and the right people will find you and they know where you are and when you get lost they will be there to guide you home ever now and then we need a hand to hold on to take us home. So I wouldn’t worry to much about being alone because right now you are where you have to be, no matter what you feel and want because life is simply preparing you for something better.

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