2018 Goodnight and Goodluck…

and so another year has come to an end, it has brought a few storms along the way, but with it came a new start. at time it reminded us of the choices we had to make in order to find peace within ourselves and open our eyes to the people who wear mask for so long that they forget that its a product of there own self destructive past, if only we could have seen then the damage it would have caused ourselves, cause we think it often does happen that the best intentions we had was a paved road to hell….( boy that escalated quickly)…. but what 

 if in this moment of self  destruction, I did say a few storms came this way that you also found yourself in the storm and rather then getting lost in it you found yourself  in the storm, even in moments of doubt when you thought the storm was gonna take over, but in the end you stood your ground and pulled through. But I do hope for those still going through the storm of your life,  I hope you do realise that you are far more stronger then you ever have been and within you the storm was will pass and you will pull through into the new year without any thing you pulling back into the storm. Its easy to feel broken and just let the storm sweep you off your feet and send you back to the dark abyss you once knew, but its time stand your ground and start believing  in yourself and that mask that you wore for so long  you will be able to take it off and send back to the  place where it was once created…. 

with that being said…

I only wish and hope you this coming  year is this that you finally feel alive after all this is your come back year, I hope you don’t beat around the bush and not shelter the truth, I hope you become more straightforward about your feelings rather then going in circles and in the end get no where and just end up in the  same place you were before, come on kid.  its time to stop beating your chest and get out of your comfort zone and let life happen, I know its hard but looks what good its done for you. This year you will discover that opportunities will come and just remember this is your moment make it a time to remember. I hope you say  yes to adventure and again yes it may be scary, but life is happening, and I want you to hear your own war cry, you hear that cry that is your inner yourself telling you can do this and for the first time in your life being spontaneous, don’t worry about the “what ifs” you have stopped yourself long enough worrying about what happens next. stop holding yourself back and silence the little voices on your shoulder that is warning you to play it safe and the end of it all you will become something new. and I hope you transform yourself into a new person that you are in love with and ask yourself where have you been hiding all this time, and you realise this has always been apart of you just needed to open yourself and ditch your insecurities, and your baggage.A  new you will be will be  born and the old you is in the past now time to focus on the present and make a new future, from this past year learn from it and grow with it and heal from it, my dear you have suffered enough time to let go of the pain of the past cause you are not fooling anyone  .and like I said before you are reborn now and nothing will stop you. 

The American in London – so here we are

So here we are again, to those that are new welcome, to those that are familiar with this well you know what you are in for. And i see some familar guest in the crowds tonight hello grammar nazi ready for another round? Yes good. Well then shall we…

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but what if I told you this could all change…and that there is…. hope for this feeling to finally leave and you can sleep at night and enter the the world of dreams where you can get lost. I know what you are thinking he talking crap and he is bringing false hope. Wait Bob, before you walk out that door, here listen to this.
I am sorry that we live in a generation where people live off their phones, and have an addiction to likes and how people perceive others by what they wear and what they believe in and physical attraction. I am sorry this is what it has came to. But what if you were not the problem, because from where I stand, people come and go and the way people treat you shouldn’t stop you from putting youself out there cause of some animal. And you know what you are not alone cause you have the friends and family around that is more then enough. I know you want to pour your out that one person and that person is out there who is looking for the same. Just dont put yourself in the corner of the boxing ring, cause of the past punches. You get right back up and train again and fight back the past or you let it win and it will define you. Take that 20 seconds of courage and punch fear in its place and you will see that in that ring you will be victorious. I know you are scared like everyone else, but remember 20 seconds be the change and you will see it. I know bob you are thinking shut up and yes saying is easier then doing, but if you are here now reading this and just thought of I can rise to the occasion, well kid. You took the 20 seconds.

The American In London – Part 10

And so another year has come to an end, another year of life as it were has come to an end and yes i am talking to you my dear friend, who is reading this on your phone or tablet on your bed or coffee shop or toilet ( and if you are please wash your hands don’t scroll anymore until you do so). Any who shall we continue for one last read for this year.

If i don’t say so myself this year has its ups and down like roller coaster at a theme park on a hot summers day,  but it has taught me along the way some lessons as well.  but we will get into that later or along the way, but for now lets start with whats to come and my hope for you the reader who is reading or the empty space of internet that is on at the moment wherever you are.  Tomorrow, a new year will start, which means new opportunities will arise and they will test your faith, remember what I told you before, if  you rememeber at all every choice you make, changes your future. so think before you do, but remember whatever you choice you make your family and friends will be there to support you along the way, you are never alone. Tomorrow a new you will be will be born and the old you is in the past now time to focus on the present and make a new future, from this past year learn from it and grow with it and heal from it, my dear you have suffered enough time to let go of the pain and like I said before you are reborn now and nothing will stop you. Make this year your year,  think of this new year as a second chance you’ve been wanting to take that leap of faith and let this year find the answers you have been looking for, cause  I know just around the corner you will find it this year let it consume you and let it guide you. remember you are never lost in the darkness, there is light at the end of the tunnel. and believe me my dear let this year give you hope you need to move forward and let go the past, find your answers but then move forward. tomorrow it begins the new chapter in your life and make this year your year because its time for it.  but also this year my friend I hope you find balance in your life, work hard but don’t let your work consume your life, I mean don’t make this life all just about work and you forget to live. I hope this year you find love as well,  but love for all the right reasons and not for the wrong, believe me I know you know better and also life to short for anything be low you. I want this year for you to remember who you are and know that its never to late to go after your dreams, remember its never to late to start creating that life you always dreamed of. This year I hope you always stay true to you and never for second compare yourself to another person, no to souls are the same. You are you and you perfect just the way you are and you are unique and I wouldn’t want you any other way. This year I want you to put  your faith in the universe and trust that everything happens for a reason, and always know something is greater out there for you is coming trust me I know….

and one last food for thought my friends and readers around the world who has been with me from the beginning, please get off your phone or tablet get out of your pjs and appreciate life, this moment. stop looking out your window and saying I wish go out there and do it and say why not to life. and believe me next year this time, nothing will be the same….

The American In London – Part 5 – OPEN

So here we meet again,  I think for once on here since, I just want this to be an open letter to anyone, ( even though you are probably thinking you sent this to me) but its up to you really if you do end up reading these entries really.  I would like to think by me doing these entries different then the first three, maybe some truth will come out of it and if you are reading this then maybe and just maybe you will hear me out, as i said its open letter, which i will cover quite a bit, i know some people hate the fact that I generalise people, which I will openly admit maybe its wrong of me to be like that, but what can I say I am on observant person. Yes, I can be wrong about many things, but hey at the end of the day, I am only Human at the end of the day and also what do I know. So shall we begin this open letter, I will try and keep this short and simple ( but knowing me this won’t happen, but I will and thats all we can ask for really) Shall we begin, wait wait before we jump into it for the grammar nazi out there I will try and keep it minimal the mistakes, as I said I will try, but I am not making any promises on that front.

I think if i am gonna start this open letter, I will like to start off with some thing a bit deep and then transition to something a bit light, well I will see how this goes. I think I want to start this off officially by a common problem now a day and this is  for you going through it and if you are asking what am I referring to its Mental illness, whether it be physical or emotional Bare with me people on this people I know its not  the easiest of topic to discuss, because its quite hard to talk about it, but just hear me out on this one. I know for me it struck both cords, especially when I came here, it was more mental if anything and when I was younger more physical if anything and mental as well, I was that kid that talked himself and thought that was normal, but as you can imagine of course it was not and I got the odd looks and with it comes with the price of being bullied and well everything else that came with especially the pressure of society. As some of you might have read before with my parents splitting when I was young and my mom giving me hard time about grades in school and coming home in fear of bringing home a bad grade, boy that was duck and cover situation. If you asked me what I could remember of my child hood, wasn’t the good times that for sure (maybe a bit of the good times, but I can remember the bad times quite easily). Let me tell you those demons, definitely had a good time messing about with my head, having there own private parties as it were. Especially at night, they played about in my dreams as if it was there own playground and they had good time until final I stepped into my own dream and conquered it head on, but it wasn’t easy let me tell you to get that point.  Mind you I was so young  going through it all, felt alone for most of the time… but I got there in the end. If you wanted to know how, well books played a major factor, because it was safe heaven for me, hence the reason why I am the most happiest is in a book store, tranquil and always a place to discover new lands. Music played a big factor, when i was much younger in order to help me sleep at night, I use to put on my cd player to help me sleep at night and it worked.  Another thing that helped was me to go running, it played such a huge factor mentally, it helped me let go of everything and helped me focus on things that matter most and with music in hand as well, they just worked hand in hand really. and of course the friends around kept my spirits up and just the support really. I know, now what was the cause of it all the demons playing about and everything, my sister also realised it as  well what it was about a good 5 years ago I want to say, maybe more now, since she apologised. If  one wanted to know how I am doing much better  and considering what I went through here in London in the early years here, I will admit those demons did try and pop up again, but it wasn’t until I realised one day, there is more in stake in front of me and I wasn’t just about to let those demons creep back up again, especially when theres someone elses life is on the on the line.

So to anyone going through something or did in the past and probably thinking he doesn’t get what I am going through, you know what you are probably right, I don’t get it but just like you I have been through hell and back and I am came out stronger then ever. So to anyone like me who has opened up to anyone who has been through something and just thought I will open up to this person ( whether it be your friends, your partner or even potential partner, parents) or thought of opening up to anyone ( whether it be your friends, your partner or even potential partner, parents). That person will stand by you and not judge you, its what made you, you and they will always be there for you. Especially if you are with someone or potentially be with that person and you told them what it was that you are gone through, they will stand by you and help in anyway they can. I know thats saying a lot consider the world we live in today, not everyone is a dick head and no one is perfect and to anyone who says other wise do us all a favour and SHUT UP!!

Just to follow this up as well, and I promise you this will get lighter and not so deep. I guess another factor that didn’t help during the dark times was fear…I believe fear plays a big roles in our lives in general, because in some cases it triggers some bad memories and stops the person from doing anything, like jump into a new relationship with someone for example or start to see someone or it could be simply telling someone the honest truth and or start anything really . Fear takes form in all sorts of ways at the end of the day because of past events, but you don’t let fear win and let it define  who you are, because once you do that then you start to push things away and start to put up brick walls and there you have it, especially if it was something that for once in life  that actually made you genuinely happy that you could not explain and not even to yourself and plus who wants to live a full of regrets. So don’t let fear keeping you from anything especially new experiences and that makes you happy. At the end of the day Happiness will always beat fear and at the end of the day, just don’t let fear keep you from doing anything that makes you happy.

But hey what do I know anyways…