The American In London – Part 5 – OPEN

So here we meet again,  I think for once on here since, I just want this to be an open letter to anyone, ( even though you are probably thinking you sent this to me) but its up to you really if you do end up reading these entries really.  I would like to think by me doing these entries different then the first three, maybe some truth will come out of it and if you are reading this then maybe and just maybe you will hear me out, as i said its open letter, which i will cover quite a bit, i know some people hate the fact that I generalise people, which I will openly admit maybe its wrong of me to be like that, but what can I say I am on observant person. Yes, I can be wrong about many things, but hey at the end of the day, I am only Human at the end of the day and also what do I know. So shall we begin this open letter, I will try and keep this short and simple ( but knowing me this won’t happen, but I will and thats all we can ask for really) Shall we begin, wait wait before we jump into it for the grammar nazi out there I will try and keep it minimal the mistakes, as I said I will try, but I am not making any promises on that front.

I think if i am gonna start this open letter, I will like to start off with some thing a bit deep and then transition to something a bit light, well I will see how this goes. I think I want to start this off officially by a common problem now a day and this is  for you going through it and if you are asking what am I referring to its Mental illness, whether it be physical or emotional Bare with me people on this people I know its not  the easiest of topic to discuss, because its quite hard to talk about it, but just hear me out on this one. I know for me it struck both cords, especially when I came here, it was more mental if anything and when I was younger more physical if anything and mental as well, I was that kid that talked himself and thought that was normal, but as you can imagine of course it was not and I got the odd looks and with it comes with the price of being bullied and well everything else that came with especially the pressure of society. As some of you might have read before with my parents splitting when I was young and my mom giving me hard time about grades in school and coming home in fear of bringing home a bad grade, boy that was duck and cover situation. If you asked me what I could remember of my child hood, wasn’t the good times that for sure (maybe a bit of the good times, but I can remember the bad times quite easily). Let me tell you those demons, definitely had a good time messing about with my head, having there own private parties as it were. Especially at night, they played about in my dreams as if it was there own playground and they had good time until final I stepped into my own dream and conquered it head on, but it wasn’t easy let me tell you to get that point.  Mind you I was so young  going through it all, felt alone for most of the time… but I got there in the end. If you wanted to know how, well books played a major factor, because it was safe heaven for me, hence the reason why I am the most happiest is in a book store, tranquil and always a place to discover new lands. Music played a big factor, when i was much younger in order to help me sleep at night, I use to put on my cd player to help me sleep at night and it worked.  Another thing that helped was me to go running, it played such a huge factor mentally, it helped me let go of everything and helped me focus on things that matter most and with music in hand as well, they just worked hand in hand really. and of course the friends around kept my spirits up and just the support really. I know, now what was the cause of it all the demons playing about and everything, my sister also realised it as  well what it was about a good 5 years ago I want to say, maybe more now, since she apologised. If  one wanted to know how I am doing much better  and considering what I went through here in London in the early years here, I will admit those demons did try and pop up again, but it wasn’t until I realised one day, there is more in stake in front of me and I wasn’t just about to let those demons creep back up again, especially when theres someone elses life is on the on the line.

So to anyone going through something or did in the past and probably thinking he doesn’t get what I am going through, you know what you are probably right, I don’t get it but just like you I have been through hell and back and I am came out stronger then ever. So to anyone like me who has opened up to anyone who has been through something and just thought I will open up to this person ( whether it be your friends, your partner or even potential partner, parents) or thought of opening up to anyone ( whether it be your friends, your partner or even potential partner, parents). That person will stand by you and not judge you, its what made you, you and they will always be there for you. Especially if you are with someone or potentially be with that person and you told them what it was that you are gone through, they will stand by you and help in anyway they can. I know thats saying a lot consider the world we live in today, not everyone is a dick head and no one is perfect and to anyone who says other wise do us all a favour and SHUT UP!!

Just to follow this up as well, and I promise you this will get lighter and not so deep. I guess another factor that didn’t help during the dark times was fear…I believe fear plays a big roles in our lives in general, because in some cases it triggers some bad memories and stops the person from doing anything, like jump into a new relationship with someone for example or start to see someone or it could be simply telling someone the honest truth and or start anything really . Fear takes form in all sorts of ways at the end of the day because of past events, but you don’t let fear win and let it define  who you are, because once you do that then you start to push things away and start to put up brick walls and there you have it, especially if it was something that for once in life  that actually made you genuinely happy that you could not explain and not even to yourself and plus who wants to live a full of regrets. So don’t let fear keeping you from anything especially new experiences and that makes you happy. At the end of the day Happiness will always beat fear and at the end of the day, just don’t let fear keep you from doing anything that makes you happy.

But hey what do I know anyways…


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